Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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