True but thats because hes a fetus.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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