I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
