Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
