you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
