Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
