you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
