Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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