Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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