Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
