friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
