Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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