dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
