we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
