Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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