Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
