i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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