my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
