I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She said her name was "party"
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
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