clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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