dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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