I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
