just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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