you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
