idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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