his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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