I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
