Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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