I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
