omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
