Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
