this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
