nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
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