so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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