fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
