Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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