Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
