Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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