My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
