I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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