I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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