the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
