I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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