I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
