Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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