you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
