Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
