My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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