it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
