Just fell off a train. Bad.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
